The red-hot embers of the midsummer bonfire merged into the soft orange of the barely-setting sun. Fifteen silhouettes stood in a rough circle on the sandy beach, making light banter as they casually kicked a semi-deflated soccer ball between each other. Then, there was me: the only foreigner in a group of locals in Estonia. We were on the island of Hiiumaa for the summer solstice, a big deal in this part of the world. I’d been accepted into the group and invited to camp on the beach to drink cans of beer and engage in wholesome cultural traditions.
Throughout the last eight years as an on-off full-time traveler, nothing has meant more to me than bonding with locals. I’ve camped with LA rappers in the Rocky Mountains, drank fermented horse milk in yurts with Mongolian nomads, and been added to the guest list of a Prague rock band. Fellow travelers are pretty easy to meet if you know which hostels and bars to frequent. Finding locals can be a little trickier. They tend to have settled friendship groups and may not be out to meet a random wanderer who arrives like a whirlwind, disrupts their lives, and then drifts away toward the horizon.
As a solo traveler, loneliness can hit pretty hard. It’s easy to become overwhelmed when you can’t read food menus and don’t know the etiquette for crossing the street. Having a local, even just one, to hold your hand – metaphorically or literally – takes the stress out of exploration. This opens you up to a world of new adventures as they show you pockets of a town not listed on awful travel blog listicles.
Solitude is a beautiful thing, but no traveler is an island. These are a few ways I make sure my relationship needs are met while on the road.
Create Your Own Luck
A few years back, my New Year’s resolution was to embrace serendipity (also known as happy coincidences). You don’t have to believe in fate or karma to realize that you have a decent amount of control over your own luck. Making friends is a matter of moving through life with an attitude of openness. I endeavored, against my nature, to make a little more effort to talk to strangers and pay attention.
This attitude was particularly necessary for my job as a travel writer. In constant need of stories, my mind became receptive to every encounter. In Montenegro, I reached out to the owner of a boat tour company, who ended up inviting me on a free speedboat trip around the Bay of Kotor. Once on the boat, I became inquisitive about the personal life of our guide. I learned about her family of fishermen and the seasonal struggles they face. A bond was formed.
Make the First Move
Part of making your own luck is making the first move. Become unafraid to ask. There’s nothing to lose from sending out a few emails or direct messages – or even stopping someone on the street. Soon after arriving in Na Dang, Vietnam, I was sitting alone on the beach when a local man approached me. A 21-year-old student, he politely asked if I wanted company. We spent the next hour swapping stories and learning about our different lives. He wanted nothing other than a chat. We swapped details and parted ways. From that moment on, I had a local friend to reach out to.
I’ve tried this direct approach, online and in-person, with plenty of success. In Viljandi, a quick email to the founder of a folk festival got me a press pass, free entry, and a complimentary brunch with a host of fascinating music magazine writers. In Belgrade, my desperation to understand street celebrations led to a night of drinking with locals in a gentrified industrial estate, discussing the history of Kosovo. In Thailand, inviting the waitress to drink with me took me to a surreal suburban nightclub where a unicorn danced on stage.
Travelers have no end of locals to talk to: taxi drivers, hotel receptionists, store assistants, bar and restaurant staff, and even buskers on the street. Making a little extra effort just to pay attention to these people might lead to a few exchanged words, which could lead to an invitation to hang out. The majority of interactions will come to nothing, but even one in ten positive outcomes will transform your trip.
Find Lively Online Groups
There is nothing like the internet for meeting new people. I’ve made friends through Facebook groups, LinkedIn connections, co-living spaces, volunteer networks, Airbnb stays, and even dating apps. These places are full of local people who have made themselves available. Even if it’s just for a night, booking a homestay over a fancy hotel can quickly put you in front of potential friends. Use apps to find people who need something in return. If you can help them, they’ll no doubt pay you back in friendship.
I’ve had mixed results with this, so it’s important to find the most active groups. Some are dead and don’t get much response. Try joining several and posting similar questions in each. Some might come back with nothing, but others might land you a friend.
Expat/Nomad/Traveler Communities are Not Just for Foreigners
Digital nomad communities are great for finding foreigners in your destination, but I’ve found that these groups attract locals as well. They might be trying to promote their business or find work partners, but they’ll always be up for a chat. Finding local groups can be a little trickier if you don’t speak the language. Try searching online for nearby events like gigs or comedy nights. Once you’ve found one, there might be a Facebook group or WhatsApp chat of attendees, most of whom will be local. You don’t have to enjoy the event to enjoy the company you find there.
It doesn’t have to be a long, difficult process. A couple of local contacts can open up a whole new world. They’ll know the best bars and coffee shops. From there, you’ll find countless more residents to befriend. Many travelers are already using the internet to meet other travelers; figure out how you can make local contacts on there.
As the sun rose above the Baltic Sea, roughly twenty minutes after it set, the silhouettes blossomed into full color, and I saw the joyful faces of my Estonian friends. When I arrived in the country, I knew not a soul. The first night, in the hostel bar, was awash with Brits, Aussies, and Yanks. But when they all went home, a circle of local friends remained. They were the ones worth traveling for.
